why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
