I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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