I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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