I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
