South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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