He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
