Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
