And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
