in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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