And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize