I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
