so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
only you would photoshop your dick
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Randomize
