wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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