I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
