textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
