Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Hippo gnu deer
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
