I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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