I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize