All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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