Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
