The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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