i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
