He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
