the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
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