weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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