1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
My vagina is very pro this idea
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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