Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
whose parrot is this?
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
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