when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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