So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
this hospital has no fireball
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
