apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
