apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Randomize
