Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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