i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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