At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
