A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
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