you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I am one with the molecules
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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