If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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