I am spending my child support on dildos
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Couch. On fire.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
