I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
