I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
