you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
