I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
