i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Randomize
