You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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