thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Randomize
