I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Randomize
