dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
