This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
