Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
