"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Randomize
