i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
