he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
