I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Randomize
