You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
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