The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
