I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
