its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
