My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Randomize
