Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
literally had 100 drinks last night.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
