Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
