i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
