farters have to be the big spoon...
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
