He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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