Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
