I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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