she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
