Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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