do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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