she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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