I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
