Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
