you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
